Just doing a new post since Microsoft's conference started. Tagged for size. Not watching videos really so this is more just rambling by me until I watch it 4 realz later:
[spoiler]Summer of Arcade lineup: Bastion, From Dust, Fruit Ninja Kinect, Toy Soldiers: Cold War, Insanely Twisted Shadow Planet. Starts in July.
Came in late and missed the (OH MAN) Call of Duty. Bizarre and unexpected game. Completely.
___
Crystal Dynamics, new Tomb Raider, listening to it without video made it sound like 99% more awkward than it should've been. I'm actually not sure she wasn't getting beaten and molested and enjoying it. Anyway, seems like Tomb Raider: Uncharted edition (+ arousal). Seriously, just audio and I'm not sure if I should be MUST NOT FAP.
...anyway, it really feels like the start of Uncharted 2 for those who played it. Kind of a "wait, what the fuck why am I FUCK CLIMB THE TRAIN SHIT SHIT SHIT" teaser video of the intro. Wants to start with you doing things and go right into it. Looks good visually and the mocapping done was pretty good (and/or hey, Lara Croft).
Peter Moore. I miss you Peter Moore. Stop talking about EA games
FIFA, Madden, Tiger Woods, and SECRETSPORTSTITLE. Kinect voice control for Sims and Sims Pets and some other stuff I stopped listening about. Wait for a recap. I don't care, I'd be a terrible journalist.
___
MASS EFFECT 3 I JUST WOKE UP. Epic music cue in. Wait, what, a brand new adventure? Guys, you do remember that there's two games before it, right? "All about kick-ass action" goddamn it guys. Buzzwords. FUCK YOU SUPPORTING KINECT? Oh, voice-recognition use. Hopefully just that, anyway.
Demo with voice recognition doesn't ... feel right. Hear player voice speak the visual cue and then hear Shepard's voice. It's ... weird. Maybe if I sounded like Shepard it would work. Combat wise, Kinect use tie in. "Fluidly launch tactical assaults." Demo some command prompts ("Liara move up" "Liara, Singularity") that are neat. It's cute, yeah, but it feels too out of the game for me.
___
Cut right into the next title without any lead up. Looks like a Ghost Recon-esque title. Cool looking but it's not gameplay so meh. Ubisoft comes up and some rambling on their [s]shovelware[/s] support for Kinect. Yup, right into Ghost Recon: Kinect. Neat, I'm right. Demos some Kinect (motion, voice) options for ... building a gun. Um. What.
Demos some gameplay with it and ... um. It looks ridiculous. Look, I'll have a funny gif later of him hunched over imaginary firing with what looks like "MY HAND SAYS STOP DON'T FIRE" and "MY HAND IS WAVING GO, FIRE."
"All future titles in the Tom Clancy franchise ... will leverage Kinect." Go the fuck home Ubisoft. Just ... just go.
___
XBox Live up next. Uh. Alright. Talk about giving us more everything, basically; games, applications, etc. Introducing a new and innovative way to experience television. Oh god. Cute girl though.
Anyway, new Xbox dashboard by the look of things (for Kinect?). More voice recognition stuff. I think by now it's obvious what the buzzword for their conference is (hint: [s]Cute girl[/s] Voice).
10 times the number of partnerships and increasing their content count to the millions. YouTube coming to Xbox Live, apparently. Interesting, I guess? Can we upload directly to it (and then ignore that feature forever, hi PS3).
Next great challenge: "Discovery." Bing coming to Xbox. ... Moving on. Cute to use voice for search and stuff but not that big of a deal in my opinion. "THE POWER OF VOICE CONTROL" I mentally changed it to Greyskull. 117.3% better all of a sudden.
"Xbox ... Live TV." Oh. That's neat. Live television (both in US and overseas; they mention UK, France, and Australia) on Xbox.
Basically, more "XBOX DOES EVERYTHING (wait, wat)" + "[s]CUTE GIRL[/s] VOICE"
I know my first two commands: "XBOX, Exclusives" and "XBOX, Activate Skynet."
___
...UFC? UFC?! Look, I enjoy MMA and watching the fights and all but ... why is this at E3? As part of the conference?
___
Microsoft Studios up next. I swear to god, shut up about social media stuff. Yes, talk about the games. It's E3. Talk about the games. "From this point on, every single game, every single demo, every single experience is available only on 360."
Gears of War 3. "Biggest exclusive of the year." Trailer starts up that my work computer is struggling to load. Cliffy B up on stage, that smug fuck...
Ice T? SVU crossover am confirmed
...
Y'know, I'm just done with this section (Note: I actually ... like Gears of War). Not much to say, it's Cliffy B and Ice T playing and I just can't formulate the words I want to describe the amount of apathy I have at this moment.
Looks nice, though. It's Gears. If you liked them before, you'll like it now. If you didn't, this doesn't matter to you.
Plus, Cliffy B already spoiled that a certain character is surviving to the credits.
(also, Ice T "gifted" a tribute to the return of Horde Mode. No. You're not a rapper anymore. You're Detective Fin Tutoala. Stop it. Stop. Just. Stop.)
___
Cut into the next trailer talking about Rome and two sides of a coin, two sides of power ("Order ... and Justice").
"A hero will rise ... *EPIC ZOOM* THIS IS ROME."
Looks amazing visually. You know what that means? Crytek. Codename: Kingdoms finally unveiled with the title expected: Ryse. Leaked this morning blah blah balh.
Oh, look ... cut right into the Halo theme and the announcement (for the second time of the day) of the Halo CE Remastered release. Oh man, has it really been 10 years since Halo CE first released? Anyway, Halo: Combat Evolved - Anniversary.
___
Looks like we went right into ... Forza? Who the fuck organized this briefing? GeoW 3 and Halo back-to-back as a lead-in to ... Forza 4? Look, I just ... I just can't do racing games. Not my cup 'o tea. There's a trailer and it's orgasmic car visuals, alright? Their dashboards in the game shit on the view in my own car.
___
Peter Molyneux. Oh ... Peter. Oh you fucking bastards. You fucking fuck of a fuck. Fuck. Fuckity fuck.
"The next iteration of Fable..." fuck it, I can't do it. It's Peter. Nothing he says is ever true. "Fable: The Journey" trailer + demo and somebody punch this twat, please.
ps, it's a Kinect title. Looks on-rails. I hate everything about this man, you realize. Also, lolz even Fable became an FPS.
___
Phil Spencer (Microsoft Stuidos) back on stage. I'm actually wanting him back. "An indie game came out of nowhere..." oh son of a bitch. Minecraft. Minecraft + Kinect. Dear lord, they just made trillions.
Also announced ... a DISNEY COLLABORATION? What ... what. "Kinect: Disneyland Adventures." Are they all Sora too?
Alice in Wonderland demo too. Look, I don't care about this and I'm pretty close to just slitting my wrists at this conference. "FISTBUMP" = GIF potential x 10000000.
(Soccer moms everywhere want this for their kids probably.)
Kinect Star Wars. Look, we all said Lightsaber Game on the Wii would sell billions but ... no, this just doesn't look fun to me but I guess it's for the kids based on the placement.
Tim Schafer (Double Fine). Sesame Street game. Also Kinect. I'm hanging myself brb. These last like four things have been things just not for me as opposed to the children. I just have no comments for them, really. I'm not the target audience.
But, there will be GIFs. Oh ... there will be GIFs...
___
Kinect creative director. This horror never ends, does it? Oh. This is interesting. "Kinect Fun Labs" announced. Some neat little Kinect things without needing to hack it.
Demo off People Scanning. Which sounds horrible. But, it's just what it sounds like; scans face, hair, clothes, etc. for easier avatar making.
Next demo is ... finger tracking? Dear god, I went straight to Japan VN H-games what the fuck is wrong with me. Anyway, it uh ... it does what it sounds like. Why is the audience still excited?
Object capture is next. Look look look, I'm right back where I started this mental image. Combining all three of these is getting me into really, really creepy areas.
Scan self, scan favorite anime girl sculpture ... finger tracking!
Scan in naked women!
....
Buying a Kinect brb.
___
Kinect Sports (Season 2) GOD THIS IS LIKE MY WORST NIGHTMARE MAKE IT END.
___
Harmonix .... wait, they exist? Still? More Dance Central stuff?
___
Oh god, Don Mattrick is back. Is this horror over? Yes, he's doing a basic recap of everything. Oh god, it must be finishing.
Wait, new game trailer? Dawn of a new trilogy?
Oh, Halo 4.
New trilogy? Oh boy.
HEY THE CONFERENCE IS OVER OH MY GOD THANK YOU GOD.[/spoiler]