Hiee thee to the ocean city! *spoilers*

[X1faceplamcombo]

I recently decided to write an extended version of the poem that plays when you open up eo3... I need some feedback on it, so ill write it here. (Feel free to say what you want about it... Ill try to change things if you come with a better solution)

Here it comes:

Hiee the to the ocean city...
To the yggdrasil labyrinth.

A journey to the blue dephts...
To conquer the shadows of night.

Though you know not what this
means, you go towards armoroad.

What awaits is times end; deaths
Demise. A tempestous dream...

To push away the unfathomable dark
And bring light to armoroad...

A stormy adventure begins...

My part starts here:

There is no negotation in the labyrinth...
Only the endless battle of good and evil, human and deep one...

The labyrinth contains the allconsuming;
The unreal and the grotesque...

And deepest down, even...
That which can eternal lie...

The only true evil:
Abyssal god, conqueror of planets, hidden from mankind...

But the truth will always be unveiled,
Leading to torrents of suspicion...

The trublemaker takes a blind plummet into the void;
The eternal stillness...

The only sound to be heard is the sorrowfull melody of eternal parting...

On the battlefield, everyone dies equal...
Those of royal lineage, those of knighthood, even the undignant, worth of hanging...

Some say that the ones that can successfully traverse yggdrassil is the blessed ones...
Some say that its only the mighty warriors from the far lands that can...


But in truth, all of us can;
The young, with theire waking chakra and brave hearts;
The old, with theire persistence and experience;

The rich, with their unified spirit...
And the poor, with theire bloody lances...

What the disbelievers must learn to understand,
Is the strenght of bonds...

Because the only ones that can walk the path
Absent of reason...

Is those who stand resolved...

So is it not better to be selfless and be hurt protecting your friends,
Than to run away, and see them die...

Because... Your lost blood return eventually, and your wounds heal...
But the scars in your soul, from watching your comrades die,

Won't heal that easily...
Which is why you must not waste your time,

Save the world before it is too late...
Because, if not you...
Who will inspire those that will thread the same path?

[Wolfling]

I feel sad twice; one for its beauty...
Two for its animosity...

For how was it ignored; indefinitely...
This ocean blue poetry....

First of im sorry if your post just been notice only now, but apparently most of people here play this game mainly for its hardship and sense of adventure,

only few care to delve to its story (will can't blame cuz every sequel has its on Tree History only recently does the game start to focus on having deep and rich Back story)

Well if I may ask what does thee intention on making this poetry?,.

And here's my comment I like the deep ideas unfortunately its kinda off,

I'm not a professor about this, but you drop one of ideas the original was conveying, the "mistery" part, the main convey the atmosphere of like "venturing into the unknown"

you where too specific, shade a little bro, be ambiguous yeah that's the perfect.

That's all hope you will not drop this hobby of yours

[SteelCrow]

Double, double toil and trouble;

Fire burn and caldron bubble.

Stir the pot and boil the brew;

Soon we'll turn up something new.

[SteelCrow]

[X1faceplamcombo]