"Rape" in conversation

[noodles]

Basically all my life I've seen "rape" used in passing, like "aw yeah this boss raped me" or "yeah, go for it, rape 'em!" or "lol totally raped" or kids in high school playfully shouting "RAPE" when one tries to take their purse or something.

It never really bothered me, for the most part. But most people I'm close to have experienced some kind of trauma, and in the last half a year alone, two of my friends were raped. So for a little while now, seeing that word used the way it is has been giving me a growing feeling of annoyance, and sometimes I just want to yell at people about it.

At the same time, I understand that we can use words like "murder" in the same way, without anyone complaining, when murder is also an atrocious act when it actually happens.

So rather than me start getting mad at people, I want to know what you guys think. How do you feel about the way "rape" is used in modern conversation?

[PLA]

^ Tasteless. Not that things have to be tasteful, or anything.

I'm never not angry, so I'm not always sure what I'm angry about.

[Yoonah]

It's kinda the same deal with the use of gay in normal conversation
"That test was gay" No. Tests do not even have feelings.

[Feldarc]

"Rape" is used in conversation in the same way as many other words--I suppose some of it stems from a wish to make the topic less serious (and therefore less scary). So it's kind of a coping mechanism for people too young or immature to really wrap their heads around the concept. While it is tasteless and offensive, you have to realize that the word isn't being used for that reason, so getting mad would be an equally senseless act.

[Starfe]

I think its definitely one of those things that starts to get more and more tasteless as you get older. Certainly a younger version of myself never cared when people used "rape" in a comedic or light hearted context, but the realities of what rape is, and how it shatters people, are much more real when you are an adult. I try to avoid those kinds of ignorant word choices now, not that I don't slip up every now and then.

As for whether or not its okay to use? Probably not. Its tasteless, like PLA said. I feel like the younger the person the more excusable it is. But adults should be smart enough to understand that its not a light subject, and that its a real thing that happens to regular people, not something out of fetish comics or prison movies. In recognizing that, they should be able to avoid dredging up bad memories or feelings in people by needlessly using the word in a non-serious context.

Something that I think is confusing is that there is an apparent gap between what people find deplorable and what people find humorous. Why are things like animated tentacle rape or prison rape jokes considered to be humorous? Tentacle rape is essentially stylized gang rape, why is it funny? I dont understand where the gap comes from.

This post is probably confusing, so tl;dr: Using "rape" as a stand in word for any violent action in a humorous context is pretty much tasteless, and any fully developed adult should be able to understand this.

[Reynard-Miri]

Not sure what it says about people that we seem to really like to use horrible words trivially. Or is that just an American thing?

I am not okay with people using "rape" as described in the original post. Depending on circumstance, I'm not okay with people using "murder" or "kill", either; mostly I'm okay as long as they are not used in imperative statements. (Such as shouting "kill him" while watching football.) Now that I think about it, I'm probably more lax with those words because... well because people tend to be less dismissive of murder than... yeah. It's not really a topic that I like talking about. (But the topic must not be avoided.)

[PLA]

@Starfe- Humour is weird. I laugh if I hit my head hard enough, but that might just be cerebral trauma at work. Else relief that I didn't die!

The thing you say about age rings true. It took me the better part of two decades to stop feeling invincible. You might also make connections. Caring is something with a start, no matter how predisposed you are to care about things or people. It takes time, and more importantly, occasions, to start that.
For the same reason, it stops being an abstract. It becomes your own business, if you're unlucky.

[Maverynthia]

Honestly I don't want to see that word used for any other purpose than to describe rape. To use it casually, trivializes rape and can potentially trigger someone.
For me personally it makes me feel that I'm in a hostile environment, especially since I've gotten such real threats before and to see it used casually in place of "eliminated, killed, destroyed, murdered, obliterated, wiped, etc." (see plenty of other words can be used) it makes me nauseous and I don't feel safe.

Really I want to go through this forum and report all the posts that use it as such so they can be cleaned up and make this place more inviting. Because casually browsing and running across that makes me think I'm on a much more horrible site. (You all probably know the sites.)

[Maxine MagicFox]

There are many times I've felt that I should put a auto word censor on this forum, but I don't think that would cure the problem in any way and I didn't know how others would react.

I don't like it. I hate it, actually. And the sad part is, as I've been conditioned to it, I find myself sometimes using it. However, a few months ago I heard similar words come out of the mouth of one of my younger sister's friends and decided how disgusting and distasteful I found it. I have since vowed to go to great pains to edit my speech.

[Trifkin]

I hate the word even when used to describe the actual act. It makes me recoil on the inside every time. I wonder if the young'ns who use it in a joking way just haven't really thought about the word's implications, you know? They have never had to fear it happening to them, so it doesn't occur to them that saying it that way might be tasteless. It's just humor, right?

That being said, I will admit to having very strong feelings about anyone who uses it as a threat or as an "I hope you get raped," comment. Very strong, very dark, very violent feelings. And don't even get me started on actual rapists.

[noodles]

Wanna get mad at something?

[Reynard-Miri]

....

I don't think "mad" is the right word. More like... Wow. I really can't think of a phrase that adequately expresses my sheer loathing for that person.

[PLA]

^ I wish I could tell you that I'm surprised, and that anything you have to say is new to me. I wish I could tell you that - but the internet is no fairytail world.

[ZetaBladeX13]

[PLA]

^ "I don't mind, and neither do you."