Introduce yourself here! Or say farewell!

[noodles]

[ZetaBladeX13]

[Riseatrance]

[Kimiko]

I'm Lysie-sama's?

[Maxine MagicFox]

<_< Well, I'm not the sort to hold a grude that isn't mine, even if Trance is a dear person to me. I don't like that Seni came onto my forums and behaved that way, but I remember him being very fun and he will be missed in my mind.

*Sigh* So, not welcome because of the way that he acted but I wouldn't mind if he e-mailed me and we continued to chat.

Those are my opinions. And I don't think you did anything noodles that you need to chastise yourself for.

[Riseatrance]

In any case, I've explained to noodles my rationale behind my rather annoyed and indignant response. So, whatever. I'm still bitter though I feel a bit better now for talking about it.

[noodles]

yeah I don't think Seni should ever come back

but Kino needs to finish her damn essay or whatever so we can get back to watching anime

[Twat]

[Kimiko]

No need to apologize for that

[noodles]

why am I not asleep

[Twat]

Eh. Normally this is nothing I ever talk about it. I don't like talking about it and I just try to run things smoothly without problems. Well I talked to noodles about it and I've been here for quite a while, so... It has to do with what burdens me so much. It is a barrier I must transcend and speak the truth.

Boring, long and complicated life story below.
[spoiler]Recently a topic about third sexed individuals came into discussion and I hoped to hint by my excessive commentary that I am involved. In some ways, before I was ever born. I won't go into detail out of the NSFW forum but I was born with a deformity. I'm sure I've mentioned having poor strength and weak lungs, but I was to be born as a boy. To my parent's dismay, among the mentioned defects I had misconstruct and deformed genitalia, which apparently happens a lot in North America due to our taste in chemicals. Even though it was removed my father desired to raise me as a boy. He has always been a very rugged men, which is part of his sexist and male-superiority nature. It was clear it did not work. I lack and have always lacked testosterone. My frame is thin, my voice has high (I sound like my mother!) and come maturity nothing was working out for me. Then high school rolled around, thanks to my ambiguous appearance, things took a change (hence why I mentioned getting so many lesbian remarks). To answer the question, there is nothing in my pants. Hence why I cannot develop any real secondary sex characteristics through natural means.

These days I am still a blank slate. Actually, I seem quite curvy. With my looks, shape I always look feminine even when I try to dress and look like a guy, creating awkward situations in the public. People think I'm either a very young boy or a very old woman. As you'd guess I was a huge hit at the theater. My height combined with my lack of features made me very popular to play roles like the empress in Chinese Opera. My wardrobe has mostly unisex clothing. I can't wear men's clothing because it is far too wide and fabric bunches under my arms, making it uncomfortable to wear. I can't say I'm transsexual or a crossdresser, since I never actually wear things like skirts and dresses outside of the theater. Anything I wear I do because it fits me. I am not pained nor do I seek to just live as a man or woman, like western culture is so determined to do. Well, I still have to on a professional level. For some reason I fear being branded as a transsexual. Which are hard words to believe coming from someone that supports them so much. Probably because people view them as troubled and insecure. The world can be a mean place.

I mentioned that I never use the identity of Elysienne anymore. My name, offline and online, is Remmé. Elysienne, including tendencies, possessive nature and certain qualities were given by someone very important to me. She saw my biology and anatomy as a chance to fulfill her dreams, which I'd gladly do, but after a few years it felt pointless since, well, like I said I'm a blank slate! I can be whatever is needed... except a remotely manly man. Still training my voice on that. :b

This has nothing to do with why I never want to meet anyone or share pictures. I never, ever want to meet someone unknown that I met online, even if they are a friend of a friend which I already know. Talking online is enough. When you meet in real life I find expectations are always off. I like that the Internet lets one moderate speech. As for the picture thing, I hate photos with a passion and I never keep any of myself. Good luck finding me in school year books or class photos. Always tried to wiggle my way out. It's not a self-esteem thing. I am actually shamefully a narcissist who could gawk at my reflection for eons. Right now I am trying to see how much guy I can look like without taking hormones or anything. I don't grow bodily or facial hair, nor do I want to just place it on. I was considering showing a before and after sort of image to my online friends and perhaps getting an article out to spread the news... but I do so hate attention.

I guess this really changes nothing. I go by Remmé but easterners still call me Lysie, which I don't mind. Call me by any name! I am referred to as a she by friends and family, though if I try really hard and dress well enough sometimes I get a few 'sirs' in public. I am sorry about any false characteristics. I'm not actually possessive of people at all. No one is my love toy or crush. I don't normally make such claims over the Internet. Especially when I have a lot of lovely people to choose from in real life. I am also not so loud and obnoxious. I only make perverted comments once in a blue moon, usually when it's necessary for a joke or to throw someone off. I'm a very motherly person. A lot of people call me mom.

Other than that, my interests and whatnot which you know of me now are entirely true. Everything from my appreciation for soft yaoi to my love for yoga! In a sense, given what was present in my life at the dawn of that era, I could not call it a lie. With the crowd I hang out with and my natural tendencies, I wasn't born with a male mind either... which is probably why I'm so at ease with what I am. There is a story of David Reimer, who was forced to be raised as a girl. Born from this very city, in fact. Only he could feel it and by his later years took his own life out of depression. It creates a feeling like a train just narrowly missed me.

Other than my father being mean to me, I don't experience hate or problems in real life. Interestingly enough regardless of what I identify myself as, I seem to attract both women and men. Which works out because I'm bisexual! At some point I was a little suicidal at the fact I would never get to experience a normal sex life but... it doesn't seem so bad. I like that I can still make people happy. I like that I am so openly welcomed where ever I go. Well, I still have guy problems. :b

If you need more information on the biological/anatomical specifics or want to know what my friend wanted, I'm open to discuss it privately or in the NSFW forum![/spoiler]I'm going to go make some tea.

[Maxine MagicFox]

[spoiler]
First off, Elys, I really wanna thank you for sharing the story with us. That took a lot of bravery especially for someone who believes that the internet is something to keep at arms length and a story such as yours doesn't even have to come across.

^_^ I'm glad that you've shared so much about yourself with us! I feel honored to know more about you.

Now, I hope you'll forgive me if I offend you or anything in what I'm going to say below or if I cross some sort of line. I'm nervous about making you feel uncomfortable though I really am SO curious.

I had heard about such a "situation" (I can find no better term for this and "hermaphrodite" seems so cold and disgusting a word) from an episode of SVU and it was like ":O Such a thing can happen? I guess so, I just never thought of it." It was one of those episodes where the whole family kinda sat there and we discussed it for all its various oddities. In the episode the person was raised as a boy and the poor kid had went through life without knowing and thinking that he was even gay.

So, I'm quite curious and I'm really interested in talking with "the real thing" -_- please forgive me if I now really have made you feel uncomfortable by thinking of you as no different than some sort of medical mystery.

I'll hold off my questions for a while until you feel more comfortable with us knowing. ^_^ It really is great to know someone as interesting as you Elys. You were a genuine person even before sharing this.

I don't think it's something you should feel ashamed about. You don't seem like you are overly pained by it which is a good thing and I'm glad. As for the picture thing: you'll find maybe only ten pictures of me throughout my life. I HATE the camera as well.

Errrm... ugg, this is just one of those situations that I really don't feel that I have the appropriate words to convey what I'm feeling and/or to put you at ease after explaining this Elys.

"Thank you for sharing" doesn't seem right at all >_< but I hope you get the feeling behind what I can't express correctly. I'd normally wait for others to see what they had to say since they could say things so much better than I ever could and I would just simply agree and quote them, but this time I wanna put up my own truest feelings (clumsy and inept though they are) first and I think that's what you deserve.[/spoiler]

[Riseatrance]

Addressed to [Elysienne]:
[spoiler]Now I'm not sure how I want to call you. I guess I'll just stick to Elysienne, as that's the only username of any sort I'm familiar with. If it doesn't fly well with you, let me know. Anyway, you're really something. I didn't expect you to be that kind of person, and it's really enlightened me about a lot of things. You remind me of myself a lot... So it's really quite a nice feeling to be reading that. It's truly a marvel that you were able to muster up the willpower to go through this, as it seems like it must've been very hard to come up and say all this. There are very few people like you, as courageous as you are, and I've a newfound admiration for you. Don't be afraid to feel bad or anything about who you are. I know it may sound kind of hypocritical or finicky coming from someone like me, but I don't want anyone turning out like me... So, thank you.[/spoiler]

Now that I feel less annoyed...

[spoiler][2009/11/13 16:47:39] noodles: if kino mentions missing "trance/seni antics" I will probably say that seni is actually not cool
[2009/11/13 16:48:05] noodles: and only be specific if pressed
[2009/11/13 16:48:36] noodles: I feel that posting it on ITL would backfire though
[2009/11/13 16:48:42] Pleiades Trance: Then don't.
[2009/11/13 16:48:49] Pleiades Trance: I definitely won't.

This is in reference to the history behind my grudge against Seniwac. noodles and I both agreed that if I posted the appropriate information, it may work against me rather than for me. This is more for Kino, who I'm sure (or at least have a burning suspicion) does not really understand most of the things that go on in my head. I feel that in mentioning this, though, people will either press noodles or myself for the pertinent information.

Do this at your own risk.[/spoiler]

[Maxine MagicFox]

@Elys: gah! I forgot to mention!! All you ever have to do is be like "Maaaaax!! Will you change my usernaaaaaaame?! pllleeeeeeeaaaase?" and I would. ^_^

@Trance: I won't pry. I don't like people that do that and I like to think that I don't do it (despite the insatiable need to know the truth). If you don't offer the information, I won't ask, but seriously, this just from me, I wouldn't cast judgment on you because of something you did to someone else in some other place. You've mentioned before that Seni got on your nerves, so I could understand if you did or said something untoward (the fuck... did I really just use that word?).

[Twat]

@Maxine
Don't be afraid. I won't be offended by anything you say. :]
[spoiler]I believe it was quite a deformed mess in my case. I would have a much harder time urinating and whatnot. There was no point in keeping what was there around so they dealt with it the best way they could. As for any sort of wording or whatnot, I have been called "hermaphrodite" and "tranny" before, as gags or jabs from family and sometimes Internet folk. It does nothing to phase me.

About the whole human hermaphrodite thing, the correct term is intersex. Any sort of born genital defect is usually pertaining to physical intersexuality. The act of surgically modifying them to correct the congenital disorder, especially at birth, is intersex surgery.[/spoiler]

@Trance
[spoiler]I am sorry for anything I have said to accidentally hurt you or make you feel bad in the past. Chances are I realize it but it's already been posted for days. :/ I am very happy to see that you can understand me and your admiration helps put me to ease. Like I said, you can call me whatever you wish![/spoiler]

I don't want to be a bugger but could I get my username changed to Remmé? If you can't make the é you can always just copy and paste it. Only have to do it once. :b

Edit - Hehe. Ninjad! Yes please!