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Our designated driver plans fell through when he got called in to work today. -_-; So, we ended up just going to Applebee's for a nice dinner and a single drink.

:\ I had this one beverage that's called a Jaimacan Freeze or something like that. It was damn good (and it had my rum in it... I swear, I really need to try rum straight up without being in a fruity drink 'cause I REALLY love teh taste of it and wonder if it's just the blend or if I would like it straight), but the problem was, I don't think it had much alcohol in it at all. I drank two of those and didn't feel buzzed. My sister got a drink though that she only ended up drinking half of since she felt that it had too much alcohol in it and she didn't want to risk it with her driving.

Fun nevertheless. ^_^;
Though after the two drink and nothing (which she's suspicious about since she felt that I should feel SOMETHING) - she's now more determined than ever to see how many drinks it's going to take to get me drunk. <_<; (... I don't wanna get drunk! *pouts*). I am curious, too. My first drink ever the bartender had asked me how I felt after drinking the whole thing and I said "fine... nothing... just the urge to go pee" at which the woman frowned and said that most people that drink that particular drink usually do feel buzzed. ... Personally, I think I just peed it all out the moment I drank it.

Second time I've been denied of a death in solitude. Against all odds. Fantastic. Makes me feel like I'm supposed to live for something pretty important for this to happen.

Oh, I don't plan to throw my life away. ^-^ I will always have a cause. I'm not religious or anything. What I wish to learn is what it feels like at that moment, and unless my brain is blown out I think there is a certain moment of feeling. Maybe it feels like going to sleep, only more painful? Hmm.

I don't think the darkness in people's hearts is a bad thing. Misused from time to time, maybe. But it's all a part of what make humans so beautiful. It's something worth saving.

Should I ever die, there is one person I truly do not want to hurt but this same person knows how I feel about it so she would also feel a sense of relief in addition to sadness. This may come across as cold but if I am to die, I will simply "disappear" on the Internet. It's a part of the anonymity. No one knows who I am beyond a created name and the tone which I convey myself. Maybe my life just changed and I stopped showing up? When someone stops showing up at a forum, you miss them but if you find out they die, it's an entirely different feeling. Much worse. ;-; If my past is any indication my family would notify people I don't even talk to anymore about my death before people I actually treasure. It's the sad truth.

I don't think it's cold of you to have mentioned that, Elys, as it is the truth, but I think you are still missing a valuable point. Sure, we may not know what will have ever happened to you. We won't know your name, nor even what you really are like IRL as everyone is a little different - but the person that you left behind on here, the chats that we have had, they will be remembered and you won't be easily forgotten. I don't think you should value the people you know here any less than the people in your life.

I do agree that there is a boundary between here and real life, but don't think that makes you any less valued, either.

Even Hanyou-ni, one of the dearest people I know on here and means a lot to me... comes and goes and comes and goes. I always hope that I'll see him again when he's "gone" but just because he's gone and might never return doesn't make him any less treasured in my heart. The fear that I might lose someone doesn't stop me from caring about them.

Oh, I definitely value people online more than I value a lot of people in real life. Everyone is someone and there is a soul behind every name.

I'm probably too comfortable talking about death. I should shift the topic. ^-^;

For a few weeks, my aquarium filter system has been quite noisy. Naturally I have tried things to quiet it down. Today I gave it another crack and it's back to being silent. Just the gentle sound of water, no louder than the gusts of wind outside. ^-^

It was really bad before. It got so bad that I had to shut my door just so the people down stairs wouldn't hear it. Thankfully I can tune out noises or else I wouldn't be able to sleep in here. ;-; In reflection, I seem to have better hearing than the rest of my family so I probably noticed it a little more.

In other news, I've finally gotten a hold of a doctor who I believe will give me a proper diagnosis. Still experiencing a problem weeks after being waved off saying it's fine isn't my favourite thing. Appointment is tomorrow. <3

Again, still don't know the status of your health or what's up, but, my best suggestion:

DO NOT EVER take a doctor at their word of "Oh, just wait and it will be fine."

>_< I learned that lesson the hard way when I believed TWO doctors who told me "Oh, your left eye is fine. Nothing wrong with it being half-blind. It's probably just stress. Give it some time and it should heal back up." Listening to this advice, thinking they were far more intelligent than me, nearly cost me my left eye and it will forever be permanently damaged and half-blind.

You're right - keep trying, as many doctors as it takes, until you get your answer. "it's fine" is NOT an answer.

I agree with Maxine. It took me nearly two years to be officially diagnosed with chronic IBS, given the medication to ease the pain and get the heart scans that I needed to make sure that I was OK. I got half way through getting the OK, you've got IBS but your heart, well a specialist finally advised what I thought - something is wrong but they can't determine it as my body is compensating. You need to push to get what you want.