Posted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 6:41 pm
Oooo new content yay!
It is raining tonight. And it is very cold. It is only now that I notice. Lately, I have been losing it. Instead of being one who loves life, I was becoming someone who hates life. Nothing bad happened. I just felt the growing need to destroy. I have been not only trying to get people to hate me, but promoting death. I have told even my best friend, among others, to take their own lives. In fact I have started to become homicidal. I have been preparing to take a life myself. Not my own. Anyone. Just at random. All of this has felt like so much fun. I didn't care. The thought would make me smile and laugh. As I have been like this, everything important to me has been dying. My flowers, my fishes, my plants... I did not care. I continued to water the plants, feed the fish and tend to the garden as with my normal schedule yet it continued and I didn't care. I've even destroyed all my art.
Then tonight, a cold rainy night, it happened. Someone who is a part of me died. Then I felt a shock. I fell to the ground and the gravity of it all hit me. All those things dying and the death of the individual. I wasn't responsible but I felt like I have brought this down on myself. I could feel my heart returning to me. Life is to be cherished. It is not like me to promote or even bring death. I am to serve the living.
This all sounds like some emo kid's post on Live Journal or something, but it's all real. With that, I apologize to everyone and to Trance. You are a much better person than I am for walking away. Now that I have stopped yelling into a pillow, I think I'm fine. I won't shed a tear nor will I continue yelling. I will return to my norm like nothing has ever happened.
Edit - I should apologize to noodles as well. I know he will get this message and he does not need words to know what I'll say so I will leave it at that.
Now go fetch me some yaoi. Yuri on the side, sa? <3