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yeah, I'm seriously not sure how to go about doing it, but the bigger issue is where am i gonna get feedback on it ;_;

I love lurking in this thread. : 3

I did a reading of the first chapter of my novel last night. I was incredibly nervous beforehand, but I'm so happy that I went ahead with it. It was fun!

Moreover, many of the fears and doubts I'd been feeling about the story so far were soothed. I still see all the aspects I will change or adjust, but I no longer feel so worried or self-conscious about them. It's all just part of the process.

Like in public? To people?

You brave soul.

o_o a-amazing... my god... I have trouble just handing out copies to be read by others... I could never read them out loud myself...

Jubelon, you have my great respect.

Thank you for the nice comments, guys.

I read it for my writer's group, so it wasn't exactly baring my soul to strangers. And there were only three other people there at the time, though I was no less nervous because of this.

I whole-heartedly plan to do a reading again, hopefully with more people to listen next time. I found it a very good experience, overall.

Today I was really in the mood to do some writing. Then my sleep deprivation was all like "gurl you need to take a long nap!" So that's what I ended up doing most of the evening. At least my headache got better.

I haven't written much for a few days, and I'm missing my characters. I think that's a good thing.

My husband wanted to grab a sheet of my story and read it, and I started squalling like a wet cat.

But he's doubly embarrassing to have read my shit because he's, you know, a writer. A literary writer. With a degree. Pursuing a graduate degree. in writing.

And here his wife is, writing gay wizards.

Although he's always like "oh if you wrote the Twilight of gay wizards, I'd be so proud of you"

and I'm like "Thanks?"

Kino, just because your husband holds a degree does not make even a "good" writer (though I'm sure he is). It just means he went through a bunch of schooling and managed to impress the teachers with A's. Even if he is published (which I think you've mentioned he is) also does not make him a "good" writer (Steven King... Stephanie Meyer... should we make up a list of examples of published writers who are NOT good?)

Be impressed, yes. But never place him on such a high pedestal that you feel inferior. One of the great things about writing is that it is such an evolving art that is very subjective. I've been writing for years and I love going back to seeing how much I've improved and I like that I feel that at no time in my life will I ever think "well this is as good as I'm ever going to get."

Your husband is no better than you are. You are both learners. Sure, he has finished material and seen it to publishers, but that doesn't mean anything against yours.

It's more of we have different criteria for what is good or acceptable when it comes to writing. I think my shit's pretty good for what it is but it's utter crap for what he writes. It's just two different genre and styles of writing, that's all.

Also it's an extremely rough draft, like I'm not even focusing on my line-for-line at this point, it's just pure plot mechanics.

What does Mr. Kino write? Stories about heterosexual females doing mundane things?

He writes short stories... about all kinds of stuff, I guess.

Some of his recent stories were about:

- a man returns to his rural home to provide end-of-life care for his father, who is dying from Alzheimer's. There is a puppy mill next door that troubles him, in addition to the deteriorating mental and physical condition of his father.

- a young man works at a institution for mentally disabled adults and oversees the care of a twisted pedophile, Jeff, who is confined to the facility in lieu of jail, due to his mental incapacity. His frustrations over his job come to ahead when a cruel trick of Jeff's harms a sweet, naive young woman with Down's Syndrome.

- a bizarre, quirky choose-your-own adventure tale reveals through its parenthetical end-notes the bitter struggle of the story's writer to achieve literary success through "writing by numbers" plot mechanics. (one of his only comedic pieces)

- a man reluctantly lets widower father move in with him, and even tolerates the tacky birdbath Jesus statue the old man puts in his front yard. When the statue begins to miraculously cry blood, the avowed atheist and MIT-educated protagonist finds his already tempestuous relationship with his Catholic father strained, and his skepticism questioned.

- a prideful teacher regrets her relationship with a student when she defiantly takes him to dinner theater with her former co-workers, and is confronted with absurdity of a middle-aged woman sacrificing her career for a teenage punk.

He's also co-written a script for a graphic novel, and the script for the first season of a children's cartoon show, in addition to scripts for award-winning short films.

speaking of choose-your-own adventure... I've always been tempted to write a piece and put it on the internet (links instead of pages... DUH!)... *sigh* <_< would be fun but I've got more important things on my plate to worry about than something like that.

My biggest problem with writing is the same problem I have in most areas of my life--it's so freaking hard to relax.

I want to be able to not worry my head off and just enjoy the journey of writing this story, and I recognize that perfectionism hurts the process rather than helps it. But wow, that does not make the anxiety go away.

It's to the point that when writing time comes, I begin to panic. Some days I do okay but my apprehension makes for a slow start at least. On the worst days, I balk, freeze up, and stare at my screen for two hours as I eek out a few paragraphs, or just don't write at all. Either way I feel miserable.

So many people say to write the story for yourself. I totally want to write it for myself, but I guess I just tend to give up my personal power so easily. That makes it hard to see what writing for yourself means on a day-to-day level.

Apparently I'm putting too much pressure on myself, and pressure makes me go all implodey.