Lord Reginold Scumworthy
[spoiler]Stranger: hi
Stranger: female?
You: Good evening my dear fellow.
You: Oh ho ho, I know how to use one of these computing thing-a-ma-jiggies
You: So I'm obviously male.
Stranger: do you think alot of stuff?
You: I do like to use the old grey matter when the time arises itself.
You: How about yourself my lad, do you like to think?
Stranger: yes, right now I think what is correct
Stranger: why humans are so selfish?
You: Well, not all of us are selfish
You: I believe those darned africans are selfish
Stranger: HUMANS ARE SELFISH!
You: for not wanting to add their dirt-filled country to our wonderful empire, underneath our majesty, The Queen....
You: *salutes*
Stranger: do you think that you're not animal, that you're better than dog?
You: Of course I am, a dog can't beat me with sticks, yet I can it.
Stranger: that chimpanzees are stupid and you're smart?
You: We're in the 19th century my good fellow...
Stranger: and of course, what did humans do to the native americans?
You: We've got trains, those chimps have nothing.
You: Psh, those yanks just shot a few brown skinned people.
Stranger: humans are selfish, we could teach chimps but we wont
You: Or we could just shoot the little blighters and use their hides to make wonderful garments for the richer masses.
You: What-ho.
Stranger: I don't get primitive understanding of human
You: Are you sure you're male? You're sounding like one of those incredibly irritating "pro-active" women, who are incredibly sterile and just can't get a husband...
Stranger: it doesn't matter what I am
You: Oh I'm sure it does.
You: What factory does your father own, chap?
Stranger: if im not human?
You: Oh my
Stranger: I don't like to be human, cause they're too primitive for me
You: Y-you're not one of those fellows who likes to drape themselves in the skins of animals and pretends to be the said animal for your own sexual grattification, are you?
You: I'm told I'm supposed to have you incinerated...
Stranger: I told ya, I don't like to be primitive human, even the apes are better than humans, those furry creatures
You: What is it you lot call yourselves?
You: Fuzzies?
Stranger: we aren't what you think we are
You: But it seems you all die in the same fire...
Stranger: death is new start
You: Oh ho ho
You: Jolly good jest there.
Stranger: we don't have to escape it
Stranger: *from it
You: Well my fuzzy lad, as long as you're long dead before I am.
You: And I can continue to run my father's factory making glue out of horses and becoming incredibly rich.
Stranger: I don't understand your point, primitive creature
You: Point? My my there is no point.
You: And that is what makes myself and this empire incredibly more superior.
You: Not everything needs to have a point.
Stranger: see? humans goes without goal, they don't think so far
You: Just a thrill, a jape or even out of sheer boredom.
Stranger: internet is great place to get all information from earthlings
You: My fellow
You: what do you do for fun?
Stranger: try to find what is correct
Stranger: we're learning more and more about this primitive culture
You: Well, I'm sure if the time ever arised, I'd vote for Kodos.
Stranger: I tried to make contact to wise lifeform but I have failed my mission
Your conversational partner has disconnected.[/spoiler]
[spoiler]You: Good evening my dear fellow
Stranger: hi
You: incase you havent noticed, I'm speaking to you directly from the victorean era!
Stranger: oh hello
Stranger: how is it there
You: tis rather fine, ive just returned home from the factory, the children weren't working hard enough... so I had to whip them until they learned that a severed hand is the sign of a hard days work.
Stranger: dats not very nice
You: not very nice? last child who didnt work hard had a nice dip in the boiling vat of linseed oil!
Stranger: this has to be one of the weirdest conversation ive evr had
You: though the burns arent helping work harder
You: but we keep him in the factory to poke fun at and jest at.
You: We call him crackly tim.
Stranger: ouch
You: How old are you if you dont mind my asking
Stranger: 14
Stranger: and you
You: Four and ten years old, you say? How is your wife? Is she fine?
Stranger: well im female so...
You: female hm?
You: Im sure i'd be right in assuming you're heavy with child, yes?
Stranger: no
You: Whyever not?
You: Are you one of those women who've been cursed by a gypsie? Making you sterile?
Stranger: im working on my education
You: an education?
You: But
You: You're a woman
Stranger: how old r u?
You: you should be tending to your husband at your age
Stranger: maybe but im tending to myself right now
Stranger: u havent answered my question
You: Me? I'm 37. My name is Lord Reginold Scumsworthy
Stranger: well dats quite a namee
Stranger: how bout your wife
You: My factory is making those long thick threads one uses in their footware these days.
You: Oh martha's dead I'm afraid.
You:
Stranger: oh sorry
You: Lost her two winters ago
Stranger: do u have any children?
You: Many my dear. My loins have bore many a strong boy and unfortunately a few females too...
Stranger: females r just as capable as men
You: Oh ha ha ha. You sure do know how to make a man laugh.
You: Please carry on with your jesting.
Stranger: oh i will
You: Merriment does scare away the demons which ail our souls.
Stranger: guess wot i plan to do after my education
You: You have future plans my dear?
You: Oh hahaha.
Stranger: i plan to be a...... DOCTOR
Stranger: oh the horror
You: I'm shocked that you haven't been married yet my dear.
Stranger: : )
Stranger: why
You: I'm presuming you're incapable of bearing children and apparently rather lacking with your culinary skills
You: So I'm presuming, when you say "doctor" you really mean a cheap prostitute?
Stranger: no a medical doctor
You: There are more than one kind of doctor?
Stranger: and i can cook a mean pasta dish
Stranger: thank u very much
Stranger: the world is changing my friend
You: Oh this pasta, I do believe it was those italianos who came up with that odd dish, correct?
You: Not for me it isn't. Because I'm from the 1900s.
You: Rule britania.
Stranger: not for long
Stranger: hahahaha
You: Oh you do jest again my dear. I am enjoying your frivilous spirit.
Stranger: why thank you
You: However I must depart, my servert boy has finished preparing my meal
Stranger: enjoy bon appetit
You: Tyrese is a nice lad, I'd have him as a friend if he wasn't black.
You: Farewell
Stranger: im black
You have disconnected.[/spoiler]
HK-47 Trolling
[spoiler]Stranger: hi
You: GREETING: Hello meatbag
Stranger: alien i presume
You: CORRECTIONARY STATEMENT: I'm not an alien. I'm a robot.
Stranger: ohh im sorry
Stranger: are u a sex robot
You: ANSWER: Heavens no, I find your carbon-based bodies to be quite repugnant
You: CONTINUATION: All of those bodily functions, fluids, smells, squishy sounds... utterly repulsive
Stranger: are u based on a male body type or female body type
You: ANSWER: If I was based on either I would have been given the necessary to replicate my base gender
You: CONTINUATION: I have neither a penis or a vagina
Stranger: is there a place to stick my penis in u?
You: CORRECTION: My chip was damaged, I was meant to say, I was meant to be given the necessary genetalia.
You: LIE: I'm sorry
You: QUESTION: Why do you need to put your penis inside of me, meatbag?
Stranger: Why do u not want my penis in you?
You: REQUEST: Answer my question first, meatbag.
Stranger: beacause it feels good
You: INSULT: That's what your mother said!
You: -PLAY RECORDING OF CANNED LAUGHTER FROM AN EPISODE OF SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE FROM 1994-
Stranger: lol
Stranger: comedy chip must be inplanted
You: LIE: Ohhoho, that was a tremendous comeback.
Stranger: since your a robot u can answer any question right?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
[/spoiler]
[spoiler]Stranger: heyy
You: GREETING: Hello meatbag
Stranger: wtf are u queer?
You: QUESTION: What is this "Queer"?
Stranger: are u a real person?
You: ANSWER: Affirmative, I am real. Whether I'm a person is debatable among todays current laws.
Stranger: wow this is gay
You: QUESTION: Are you a real person, meatbag?
Stranger: yes and im not a freakin meatbag!
You: QUESTION: Aren't you made of flesh and bone?
Stranger: yes but im not a bag
Stranger: ur gay i'm leaving peace oput
Your conversational partner has disconnected.[/spoiler]
