Rant/Complain Thread: u mad?

[Yoonah]

hah i remember having those like five years ago 'A'

[noodles]

Yes, I have a job.

And right now, I am only getting 4 hours a week, due to not enough people being on spring break.

I have most of the week to myself, home alone for the first several hours of my day.

I walk around in my own little world, not seeing a pile of clothes I forgot to fold, or some debris that got in the pool, or a plant out front that is dying, doodling, sometimes talking to people online, working on little personal things, getting absorbed into a video game. But none of it contributes to the living situation or is considerate of the others that live here, and they come home seeing the house exactly as they left it, despite a person (me) being there all day.

I really don't even notice the things. I am such a disorganized person. I don't notice something unless I can't find it.

I'll take out the trash if it's full, but only if I try to throw something into it first and SEE that it's full. I'll do the dishes, but only if I reach for a cup and see that there are none, and then NOTICE that the sink is full. Anything beyond that, like something going on in the back yard (I am pretty much never back there of my own accord) requires that they leave a note for me, like I'm a fucking child that doesn't know how to be responsible.

But in this sense I'm NOT responsibile. In high school, if a class didn't seem interesting or meaningful, I would just completely forget about homework. I never did Accounting homework; I don't know how I passed that class. The teacher didn't even like me. Because I was disconnected, thinking about art or history or something that seemed cool and insightful and important, and not accounting, which for me was just a skill involved with running a business, which I was never going to do.

Scheduling calls me 15 minutes before they close, asking if I could work tomorrow night. I was just going on break, and was mentally weary. I just said sure, thinking the extra 40 bucks would be nice. On break, I realize that I CAN'T work tomorrow night, because I am going to be taking my friend to Disneyland for her birthday, which had been planned for months, because her mom doesn't give a shit about her and told her straight up that she wasn't going to do anything for her or buy her anything and that the only reason she isn't getting KICKED OUT on her birthday (18th) is because she's in school. So I come in after my break is done, which was just 15 minutes later, thinking today was not Saturday and that scheduling would be open until midnight, as usual, but surprise, I get a voicebox saying they are closed. I left a message, but since the time I'd be working on is THE DAY THEY GET THE MESSAGE, it might be considered calling in sick, which means I get a bunch of points against me, and I really can't have that right now.

I go home and tell my parents about it, and they are DISGUSTED that I would even THINK about cancelling that mistake shift, that the girl is NOT my responsibility (seriously it isn't even going to cost me a dime to take her to Disneyland outside of the $20 I already spent on her present)

I tell them that the time I share with my friend, who is in a rough place in her life, would be worth far more than the $40 I'd get by working that evening.

My dad tells me that it's not about the money, but about the WORK.

and he reminds me

that I wake up every morning and do nothing to contribute to anything

that I'm a stupid selfish pig

that I lack even the drive to get good at the things I care about

He walks around the house pointing out all the little things I could have done, should have done, while I was at home alone in the morning.

He tells me that when he was 15 he would get up at 6 in the morning and do manual labor jobs everywhere to get money, working all day until his fingers bled, because he KNEW that to build his own future he had to WORK, and reminded me that at my age he was running his own business, and at 21 he had bought the house we live in. He tells me how he never even went to college and got where he is on skill and drive that he had to build for himself. He tells me how if he didn't have dyslexia and other mental processing problems then he would have GONE to college and gotten his engineering degrees and would be doing the same work he does now for at least TWICE as much money. He tells me that I was supposed to be BETTER than him, because I have this beautiful and talented mind, but that I fucking waste every bit of it with my lack of motivation and responsibility, and it pisses him off every day to see how much I waste my existence, because I have the mind that he didn't have, but don't even utilize it. Every English or art teacher has told me the same thing......that if I had as much drive as I did talent, I'd be set for life. But I don't. And he tells me this, because I was supposed to be better than him, because HE wasn't nearly as good or successful as HIS father, and didn't want to continue that pattern of disgrace.

Well, it continued. If he was nothing compared to his father, then I am the tiniest microcosm of nothing compared to him. I promised myself that this would be the best year of my life, but my life has not gone forward at all so far. Others are accomplishing so much; of what value is my "talent?" I can draw, but not as good as anyone that actually tries. I can learn music, but I haven't been doing any of it. I can write, but whenever I put my hands to the keys these days, nothing comes.

Yes, I have a job, and a family (sort of; to me it's really just my parents), and what people call talent, and what people call wisdom, and wonderful friends. But when it comes to what I have inside, I feel like I literally have nothing going for myself. Nothing.

And until I can figure out why I don't just knuckle under, I will be nothing.

[Optional Boss]

[Kimiko]

[noodles]

[Kimiko]

You could make it a goal to move out on your own in order to escape the nagging.

[noodles]

that's been the goal. I am nowhere near it

[Optional Boss]

Give it a little time, and don't worry about not being able to find the words to argue back. It's just sort of a special dad power to be able to fluster their kids, I guess. I'm very articulate and my dad always makes me get all tongue tied and frustrated when we argue. The important thing isn't countering his claims, though, it's feeling in control of your own life and making the right decisions for you.

As for moving out on your own, it's a big step, but it's a very liberating one. You may not be able to do it entirely on your own at first, though- is there any sort of possibility to split some of the burden up with a roommate situation?

Edit: Meanwhile, I seem to have finally caught the horrible chest cold everyone I know has had over the past two weeks. Mucinex DM smells and tastes so disgusting, I can barely stand to even have it in my mouth long enough to swallow, and my chest and back hurts so bad from coughing.

[zamisk]

[NessySchu]

[negzee]

My thoughts on the matter are mostly in line with what Optional Boss expressed better than I could have.

Noodles, you are very far from nothing.

[zamisk]

[Kinokokao]

noodles = awesome

WE GOT YOUR BACK, DUDE

Wish I was more coherent. Thanks to OptiBossi for stating what we're all thinking and what needs to be said. Most 25-30 year olds I know:

a) Do not own houses

b) Do not own businesses

c) Aren't really doing shit

d) Are kind of okay with that

Basically, don't let your dad get you down. Furthermore, I highly recommend living on your own as a means to learn personal responsibility and to grow as a person. In my experience it seems that living too long at home tends to prevent personal growth and cultures a lingering adolescence.

Then again you do live in one of the highest cost of living areas in the country. Unless you want to move where it's cheap (ie; the midwest) your best bet is roommates.

[noodles]

[Kinokokao]

LOOK AT THIS DUCK