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But it feels so impossible when she can't see it. I kind of joked with the one friend with connections to her "Help me, bi-wan Kenobi, you're my only hope."

She can't see me change and really, the only window we both have is through him... XP I hope I can win back their trust. I really, really do. I feel mismerable.

Trying this hard to fix it is the wrong idea and mindset I mentioned in the first place. Sometimes, you've done fucked up enough that it's truly done. Or, at least, out of your hands where every direct "HEY I'M A BETTER PERSON NOW C'MON" confrontation is merely making things worse.

Seriously, fretting about it all the time isn't helping. It doesn't make you feel any better. It doesn't help the situation along. It does nothing. It's time to move on and hope becoming a better person and time does anything. No grandiose gesture and amount of crawling back will do anything.

It's getting dangerously close to "so getting a TRO?" levels. If I was any of the involved parties, I'd tell you to back the fuck off already for your own sake.

If that fails, fake your death and move in to some nearby apartment while posing as a girl, and infiltrate her inner circle of friends. Then, when you get her alone, the wig comes off!

[spoiler]You might get arrested.[/spoiler]

So, getting upset about it won't help. Trying to help things move on wo't help...

I don't like this at all and I'm basically pushed into a corner. I don't want to bug the last link to her I have about this all, but I honestly feel that at one point I do need to have a talk with both of them so we can all make up. The thing that really bothers me is that while they may be mad at me for something entirly different, I still haven'tfelt like they've forgiven me for previous stuff.

*groans* I feel like she's slowly cutting me off from absolutely everything, and I will hate to see everything go. I kind of feel sick thinking about it. XP I've lost enough friends due to things out of my control. I don't want to lose any more, let alone lose them because of something I did (or didn't do, in this case).

Drathi, the world does not revolve around you. They've told you they don't care about your drama anymore. The only one making you suffer at the moment is you yourself. They rest of the world has moved on already.

It's a lot easier to say those things when you'renot really involved. It's a really, really bitter pill to swallow.

I have no doubt it sucks to do so, but groveling at their feet isn't going to make them respect you.

When I'm not groveling, I'm finding myself frustrated with the feelin I have an hourglass with an unknown amount of sand left. This is all my fault and I keep screwing things up by trying to fix it.

I was taught that you have to take responsibility and fix your own problems. I screwed up my relationsiip with them and I have this ustrong urge to make it better somehow. I hate feeling useless and the one request of giving them time bothers me. Time is such a vague phrase. It could me a week, a month, a year...

So, that's why games have been a major distractor for me. I don't think about anything. I just keep reminding myself everytime I do something that's not mindless.