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I'unno, this has been going on for the five years I've know this girl I've liked, because every time I've gotten close, she's always gotten a boyfriend. And I really just feel this little pang every time I'm reminded of it. xP

It doesn't help that I feel like I got the shaft still, when it comes to who she talks to. It's only when he's not around. =_= I hate feeling like I'm second priority. I understand that he's her boyfriend, but doing exactly what she got on my case for, when I was just her friend (I tended to not talk to other people) just rubs me the wrong way.

I guess I'm still hurting from a bunch of other crap too. xP Time heals all wounds, but I am trying my best to show that we can have the same closeness--still just friends-- we always had. *sigh* Only girl I'd ever spend this much effort for too, it feels like. If it were someone else, I'd just be comparing them to this girl. xP

EDIT:

I also think it might be that she knows Valentines Day is coming up and that day has always been hard for me, because I've never been able to properly enjoy it. Ignoring me doesn't help matters. I just want to talk with someone to make me forget that it's even that day to begin with. xP

I know I shouldn't care about such a stupid holiday, but I've never been able to stand a lot my friends being happy with a boyfriend/girlfriend while I'm still all alone. Self-indulgence doesn't solve anything, even when I claim, "Hey, you get to spend aaaaall of this money on yourself instead of someone else for a stupid holiday."

Now, her boyfriend just thinks I'm stressed from school., because I'm clearly happy when I talk about other things like D&D and let the slgihtest thing tip the scale.Thing is that just because something makes me happy doesn't mean it lasts long. It doesn't help when people do exactly what I did to piss them off in the first place too.

I always forget when Valentine's Day is. The only reason I even vaguely remember that it's in February is that it's around my mother's birthday.

@ the whole being single and not liking it thing - Hmm. The only piece of advice I've ever been able to give (because it seemed to work so splendidly for me) was to stop caring. The only time in my life that I had potential suitors flocking to my door was when I had no interest in dating whatsoever. It's like making the proclamation, "I don't want to date people," is a giant call to action for those around you to prove that dating is an awesome and totally worthwhile endeavor! You become instantly irresistible if only because subconsciously they feel the need to prove you wrong and also get a nice ego boost in being the one to crack your shell.

I'm sorry I can't offer more comfort. ^ ^;;

It's alright. Thing is that I'm not interested in dating because I don't feel emotionally ready for it. xP Look at me right now with how easily I can fall apart. I mean, I do say I'm not interested in dating and girls do flock to me, because I'm just willing to talk.

I also am tired of investing so much time and effort trying to establish a friendship that ends up falling to pieces. xP And it doesn't help that every time, I feel like I'm the only one picking all of them up, when we reconcile.

...doesn't help either that I just have a very awkward way of speaking. xP I always sound formal, when I talk.

EDIT: Just made myself feel worse trying to cheer myself up by saying, "At least you'd have an easier time finding a girlfriend that won't require an LDR."

D ; Now, I feel like I'd be taking comfort in one-uping them...

Just... just gonna go work on a minor distraction for now.

I said I'm not interested in dating and now girls are flocking to me. The problem isn't getting just anyone to flock to you, though.

Yeah, it does have its problems when there's one specific person you'd rather have... who isn't interested. The dope! When will they wise up?

>: /

Oh hey. That's right. Valentine's Day! To be honest, I do not even know when it is until I get glorious candy, chocolate and other goodies from people I probably do not even care about. <3

I'm sorry for rambling on and on. I guess I really can't do this anymore. My two best friends really did give me a deep wound, especially the girl who is the one I trusted the most of the two.

^ Ahh, PLA is refreshingly smug about being straightforward and avoiding drama. :3

Thing is that I always forget to say these things when I have the chance. xP When I was getting everything off my chest, I probably could have gotten away with it and felt better about myself.

EDIT(2/8/12):

So, I was talking to that friend of mine. I'm happy she's willing to talk to me about her problems again. Thing is I have to bite my tongue when she says something like, "I feel like generally everybody hates me and I feel like I'm doing everything wrong."

Last time I told her that, we got into a fight that lasted nine months.

I really am finding it just difficult to stay mad at her. It's too much energy to be mad at anyone, for me. xD

Stupid Reinfeldt. He just can't get over his pet idea of turning the people into happy work drones under his control.

First, he just wanted to ship off the unemployed to optimal locations and careers as he sees fit. That died down quickly. Now, he wants to shuffle old people to any job they can still perform despite their age for as long as possible. You think you have a lifelong career behind you? Pfft, fuck off, here's your new workplace. Here, have some necessary re-education and shut up.

Yay, abolishing retirement is going to remedy youth unemployment like a fucking charmsaklhnfakshfsakdhaasfmsfafsazfkn.

Edit: And he doesn't like taxes wtfsadassadfssafcsdffaffasfaffsdfd.

Throughout November and December, my schedulers had always done pretty well with giving me days off on the days I had classes. After a bumpy start, soon enough there weren't any issues. So I kind of stopped paying close attention to my days off. And then it was Sunday, the 11th of December. I was like "k what time do I work tomorrow"

>4PM-12:30AM

"Oh, for once I get to sleep in on a monday. Oh shit wait WAIT"

I worked mornings on mondays because my class starts at 6:30. I scrambled for my syllabus and saw that monday the 12th was the date of my final. At that point it was too late to talk to my manager about fixing it. I had no choice but to call in and let them know I couldnt go to work. I knew I could get fired over this, because I had been late a lot in July due to a few reasons, and it takes a full year for those infractions to be taken off the record. But to me, school was more important.

Dreading the future, I decided to focus on the task at hand. I knew that, since it was a test, all I would need was a pencil and scantrons, so I left my notes at home. As I walked into the classroom however....I saw only half the class there, and everyone had their notes out. The final had been moved to wednesday, and it was only announced on the website, which I didn't check. I was going by the syllabus. It was an optional extra credit study session.

I had thrown my job away for nothing.

I was pretty distressed at that point. I also had a huge paper due on that
day, and I'd barely worked on it in my preparation for the test. I ended up
not getting it done until right as I had to leave for school, and I still had to get it moved over to a computer with a printer and stuff! And we had to bring a manilla envelope with stamps and shit so she could mail us our scores??? By the time I got to class, an hour had passed. The mid-term had people still there for a lot longer, so I had hoped to at least catch the professor in time to do the final. When I got there, paper and scantrons in hand, I saw the room empty with the door locked. Everyone had finished quickly and gone home. I missed the final. I missed my chance to even turn in the paper. And with both of those things not done, I failed the class.

I had a good grade beforehand so if I had not even fucking done the paper and just went for the final I would have passed the class.

For the rest of the night I basically drove around neighboring cities, stopping in various parking lots to cry. Eventually I called my beloved bro and we talked for a few hours until I felt alright and I thought it was late enough for my parents to have gone to bed. They hadn't. And yeah I was screamed at. Yeah I felt like a complete failure.

That friday at work they called me into the office before I left, and told me I was being suspended while the union reviews my record. They let me write out a statement, and my manager said that if they cut breaks for people, they'd cut one for me. My managers all liked me so I was confident they were gonna do what they could. Then, two weeks later, they called me in for the last time to let me know that I wouldnt be coming back.

So yeah basically my whole adult life was thrown out the window in the course of one week.

It's been a couple months now and I'm in school again. If I can't get another job by June, I'll reapply with Disney since they let you do that after 6 months. I'm not really stressed out about it anymore. It's nice not to have nightmares about being late every night.

tl;dr a bunch of shit happened and I don't have a job anymore

---
EDIT: Also, a month ago, a guy broke into our house and was sleeping in a room while we all went about our day. Nothing was taken and no one was hurt, but I noticed some things were amiss and chose not to investigate them, so I feel like it's partially my fault. I left my mom and niece alone, and when the guy came out, it could have been much worse.

^

You don't have a job anymore? ;_;

No.

@noodles

>________<

I'm generally a non-hugger, but I wanna hug you.

I was thinking of saying something like that. Dude that's the worst! Glad to hear you're doing better now though