Golden Deer Pub Community Forums

honestly, it was a realization that i was still coming to terms with a few days ago, but i suppose it really was really crystallized that one time

ah well no use fighting against it now

so why don't you share your reasoning for how on earth you're a bad person

This is my rather light-hearted and clumsy attempt at trying to put some kind of smile on Trance's face ^_^ if only for a second or two. A passing smirk. ... an approving nod at least?



We're here to listen to you, Trance! ^_^ At least I am, and I'll do my best to try to make you feel better or help sort out your feelings.

..... If this turns out to have been in poor humor I totally apologize -_-; and pray that I will be forgiven. OTL

It seems like everyone has a rant.

Therefore, I am complaining that I don't have one.

here:

copy-pasted from another board:

I don't really know anymore.

Maybe all my self-loathing is starting to manifest itself as hatred...

Maybe that's why I've been so lonely, because I hated myself.

Yet... I don't do anything about it. Why... I don't understand myself... I should just not bother justifying my own existence anymore. I deserve this life, however bad it is. I deserve it wholly. I should just stop resisting it.

Well, if you can't appreciate yourself, of course you'll be lonely. There's really no reason to be as hard on yourself as you have been. Everyone has good and bad things about themselves, so just focus on the good and, you know, live.

As for the justification of your existence, that's up for you to decide. But, regardless, you exist, and you might as well do something with your life. And you're not going to get anywhere if you don't make things better for yourself.

Doctor Sampson, signing out.

It could also be your age. In another ten years, you'll look back and chuckle at how silly you were.

Personally, I've always believed in the 'You made your bed, now you can lie on it' schism. If you set yourself up to feel you deserve all evils of the world, then sure, you do.

But the very fact that you feel that way means you're having regrets about it and hence, you're lying to yourself. There have been inummerate times when I've felt life is out to get me, many situations when I've felt a metaphorical uppercut to the jaw, a door to the face. In the end, it is indeed better to not resist.

Now, that doesn't mean you should just wallow in a pit of despair.

After all, whoever said you can't hate yourself? Why is feeling self-loathing a bad thing? In my opinion, hate and love are not mutually exclusive, but rather, two sides of the same complex polyhedron that is the emotional state. There is never, NEVER a pit you can't climb out of, or a kick you can't take. You just have to say to life: "So you hate me. I hate me. And I hate you too. Lets all embrace our hate, and gods forbid, be happy."

And so, we come back to my age old favourite tip for life once again: "Don't build a bridge you can't burn again, and don't buy a house you can't pay for."

Of course, I have a ...unique... way of thinking. Some people prefer to deny their own hates and look only for joys in life. Thats too up and down for me, and personally, I think its best to learn to really appreciate the bad parts with the good instead. After all, pain, anger, hate, and despair are just as much of what makes you human as love and joy and honour and friendship.

When my hate and rage are starting to harm and endanger the well being of those I care about, that's when I know something's definitely wrong, good sir. To be honest, it really would be that simple for me if I had not suffered from this sort of thinking for over half a decade, it would not be so hard for me to change if it was just a phase, but it has become burned into my psyche now, and while I know this is unhealthy, it's so hard for me to change because my dependency on tangible acknowledgement is getting in the way of things.

It's really depressing for me, sometimes I wonder how I can still live with myself.

I now fully understand why web designers despise Internet Explorer. I understand all too well. :'(

And now you know my pain.

2D schematic drawing with AutoCAD from scratch. How I dislike thee.

*air punches, kicks and strangles*